I think we can mostly agree that children should know and respect the rules of given environments and authorities.
But this post was inspired by my belief that the opposite is also true and far less explored or encouraged.
STORY TIME
About a month ago, Alba was eagerly unboxing a chemistry set she got for her birthday at our dining room table. She’d been looking forward to this so much, and her sister was at a friend’s house, so this was her special activity for the day. The chemistry set had everything articulately organized and set-up for a child to succeed. There were tools, a booklet of directions, beakers, and the contents were organized and assembled for an ambitious junior scientist. After completing a few of the simpler experiments, Alba was ready to build the erupting volcano. The instructions guided her through the clay molding, which color dye to use for the lava, what to pour into the volcano, and how much to pour into the volcano. After reading what was expected of her, she asked me if she could do her own thing, use multiple colors and mix them.
I paused.
And I did what Mamas do.
This is a gift and curse of motherhood…the millions of scenarios and consequences our minds can evaluate in a single, momentary pause! I considered what effects saying “yes” or “no” would have in this moment. I assessed a rundown of all the possible risks and responded,
“Go ahead. Scientists don’t make new discoveries by following the instructions.”
After many oooh’s and ahhhh’s, she started pushing the boundaries on other steps and experiments. She was pouring double the amount of contents in the erupting volcano and now using her fingers to grab the glow worms she had created earlier.
Isn’t that just the human nature of children, though?
And as much as it’s the human nature of the parent to protect and set boundaries, have our boundaries and areas of control become too rigid over time?
Are we helicopter parenting?
As Mamas, so much falls under our control, that it’s very easy to get carried away in over-managing these small risks for our children. I am guilty too.
But in that moment, I was present. I was aware of her excitement, her curiosity, and her courage to trust her wonder.
With each wild question she asked, her possibilities grew.
I could see her inner spark growing into a flame as she challenged her potential.
And aren’t we often so quick to stop their reckless momentum before they catch fire or fail?
But what if we let them fail?
What if we encourage their journey to the mistake?
What if they meet their boundary on their own and experience what’s next for themselves?
Obviously this has to be within reason and what’s appropriate, but can’t we, as Mamas, expand our boundaries on this a bit too?
A SPIRAL OF REALIZATIONS
Something about this ridiculously small moment resonated with me…
How often do we, as parents, shrink our children’s world with instructions and limitations?
How much could we expand their worlds if we gave them the reasonable space to dream and act beyond what they know?
The likelihood is, if your child is in any form of schooling or daycare, they are following directions and rules all day. The best teachers inspire wonder, exploration, and critical thinking, but there’s a lot of in-between that looks like worksheets and routines. If we can be the small voice for our children that echoes for them to question the way something is, to take a risk, to do it different, or to listen to their own intuition…
that’s invaluable in a society that expects and demands otherwise.
I think I’m so passionate about this because I’ve always been one to hold on to my questions and move and act within my box. It’s kept me out of trouble and made me what I would consider successful. And maybe that’s why I love writing. It gives me a home outside of the safe space I’ve built for myself.
I write with a spark, and she doesn’t hold back. I see that same fire in my daughters’ hearts, so I’m doing everything I can to protect it because the world, her peers, her coaches, her teachers, society…they’re going to snuff that fire left and right. And they’re just doing their job.
So how can we counteract this and foster moments of reasonable risk?
How can we build a home that nurtures their wild creativity?
How can we encourage our littles to glow?
ASK YOURSELF THESE QUESTIONS:
-What is the worst thing that could happen?
-What is the best thing that could happen?
-Am I prepared to react appropriately if this fails?
If the risk feels outside of your safe zone…
PROMPTING QUESTIONS TO ASK YOUR CHILD:
-What is your plan here?
-If you make it to the top of this rock, what is your route back down?
HOW WE INSPIRE WONDER AND CONFIDENCE
-Encourage small risks, like trying a new food or standing up for a friend.
-Remind your child how important their voice is. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
-Share stories of your own mistakes. Kids love this! And it allows us to model a growth mindset in an engaging way.
-Whenever possible, let them experiment. There’s plenty of time for rules and directions outside of playtime.
-When my kids get in the car after school, I ask, “Who made a mistake today?” We celebrate the mistake and then ask what they learned.
Promoting safe risk-taking and independence goes hand-in-hand with reframing failure. Failure cannot be feared. It’s a building block.
I don’t write this post as somebody who has mastered this by any means.
But as someone who has considered home school for my daughters, and ultimately chosen to send them to public school,
it’s a philosophy I’m passionate about for our family. At the end of the day, it’s about saying yes more, speaking less, and stepping back.
Pablo Picasso said, “Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist.”
Our children want to be the artists, the seekers, the creatives, the rulers of pirates and fairies.
They innately want to challenge what they’re told and run beyond the horizon.
Art has no rules. Life imitates art. Our children are art, breathing and dreaming before our eyes.
Our challenge lies in letting the masterpiece unfold.
