How to Find Your Rhythm Postpartum

“I finally found my rhythm when I realized that even the steps backwards were part of the dance.”
-Melody Godfred

Trying to find your rhythm postpartum can sometimes feel like being swept under a tidal wave, head barely afloat as you scramble below the surface for control. No matter how many babes you have, or how seasoned you are, we all get pulled under at one point or another.

But everything in nature has rhythm…like the seasons, like the tides.
And if we put in the work of being intentional, patient, and reflective, we can ride the tides,
or at the very least, find our way back to the surface.
If we listen, we can find our place in it all.
We can find our music.

I’ve said this a lot, but this third pregnancy, birth, and postpartum, has been night and day a different experience for me than my first and second. Of course I have my moments where I feel like I’m kicking and screaming to keep from drowning in the chaos, but those are fewer and far between. I genuinely am embracing this journey with so much love and gratitude, and I feel like this is what was meant for me all along.

I’m the strongest version of myself that I’ve ever been.
I am a better human because becoming a Mama has pushed me to my limits, challenged me to reflect on who I am and who I want to be, and asked me to be absolutely selfless in harmony with loving and caring for who the woman I still am.

Every Mama finds their own rhythm through it, but what’s amazing is that we are all bonded by this dance.
I know my experience is my own, but I love the idea that we can all share our steps…forward, backward, and in-between.

STEPS FORWARD

+ Prepare yourself: mind, body, and soul.
It’s never too late, but if you can start even before you get pregnant, create routines that nourish every aspect of you.
I exercised 5 times a week, I filtered my social media to mainly consume content that was more real and complemented who I wanted to be, I took daily walks, I listened to podcasts about birth stories and postpartum that taught me both strength and grace, and all of these things helped me love my body and what it was capable of, no matter what phase it was in. Plant these seeds, and you’ll bloom!

+ Be both idealistic and realistic about motherhood.
Find a healthy balance of both of these two perspectives.
If you’re not idealistic about how wonderful this fleeting time is, it will slip through your fingers. Love on your growing belly, embrace the pain and strength of bringing life into this world, and stop to romanticize the ordinary moments of this new life.
But be realistic. There will be sleepless nights, poop, spit-up, chaotic schedules, and new demands. If you aren’t ready to accept a life that needs a lot of you and from you, then it can be a jarring transition.
Instead of thinking, “I HAVE to do this…”
Think, “I GET to do this…”

+ Take a small window of time every day (or every other day) for yourself.
Don’t wait for the perfect time because it usually doesn’t exist. You have to create the time and prioritize it, even if it isn’t perfect!
Turn off the noise that tells you what is considered “self-care” and what is supposed to make you feel good. Social media might tell you a candle-lit bath or an immaculately clean house will bring you peace, but those don’t have to be your options.
What grounds you? What settles your soul in joy?

+ Find your village.
Motherhood is not meant to be journeyed alone.
If you don’t have this metaphorical Mama village, try to put yourself out there. If you’re like me, this can be hard.
But it means saying yes. It means approaching other Mamas at the park, joining walks or groups, or reaching out to other Mamas on social media. I love the idea that Mamas were meant to exist in a village, surrounded by and in support of each other.

STEPS BACKWARDS

+ Giving in to the urge to constantly feel “productive.”
Our minds may tell us that there are things that need to get done and accomplished. But our minds run ahead of us. Be where your feet are.
It’s my own personal vice that my anxiety can spiral when the house is a mess. And I find myself running around, picking up clutter, washing dishes, and even getting bothered by a small crumb on the floor! I need to remember that laying back and watching my baby sleep on my chest is even more productive. Something that works for me, but I need to find a way to implement it more, is to remember me as a child. I couldn’t understand when my parents would want the house or decorations a certain way. I never thought it was more important than our fun. If I can find my way back to that child when I feel my anxiety building, I can be grounded in this temporary, beautiful chaos.

+ Forgetting that your older children need the same grace that you need in this transition.
The novelty of a new sibling might wear off, and they are going to feel some complex emotions that they might handle inappropriately.
This is where I’ve taken some steps backwards. I can tell that my two older daughters have been affected by the new dynamics in our family, especially River (my middle), but I’m realizing I’ve probably given them less grace than I’ve given myself. Why am I expecting them to accept a new sibling, a new baby, a change in schedules, routines and attention so flawlessly? Change is difficult for adults, so it’s surely difficult for littles, and they don’t always have the appropriate coping or communication skills to adjust. Less frustration, more love.

I originally titled this blog post, “How to Win (And Lose) at Finding Your Rhythm Postpartum.” But I ultimately went back and changed that as I realized there is no “winning” or “losing.” It’s a dance of so many steps.
They say time and tide wait for no one.
Mama, we cannot control the uncontrollable. Let’s not lose time in trying.
Seek the edge of the sea, listen, and don’t give up on finding your rhythm.

Thank you for sticking with me through this transition. The blog hasn’t been as consistent, but I still love sharing my heart on here.
Let’s connect! What advice or stories can you share from your postpartum journey?
XOXO,
Erika James