ro·man·ti·cize
verb
deal with or describe in an idealized or unrealistic fashion; make (something) seem better or more appealing
than it really is.
Actually seeing the reality of this definition made me giggle. The definition isn’t romantic at all.
So… if I’m a romantic, I may also be a delusional optimist?
But I am a romantic. I am a dreamer. I am a Pisces. It’s who I am to romanticize everything around me.
Matrescence sort of chewed me up and spit me back out, so it took some time for me to find that piece of myself again.
But the intention and the gratitude behind romanticizing this ordinary, human life is a practice.
If we lean into it, over and over again, we create a powerful perspective.
HOW TO GAIN PERSPECTIVE IN MOTHERHOOD
When it comes to the naked truth of motherhood, the highs and lows of everything we navigate,
we have three choices:
1. Succumb to the challenges and pity our lost freedom.
2. React with each high and low as the waves roll in.
3. Romanticize it all, even the lows.
One and two feel really good in the moment. But if I step back and see the big picture, when I envision this fleeting magic that is being a mama to my little ones, it’s clear what really matters. It’s as if you have to step outside yourself to see what is yours.
This life is short.
Their childhood is short.
The little things are the big things.
And that perspective allows me to create light amidst the dark.
It allows me to crawl out of the tantrums, overstimulation, and exhaustion to see gratitude.
Sometimes it’s after the fact, but I always find my way back to my perspective and to what matters.
In full transparency, motherhood is challenging for me right now. We’ve been struggling with some pretty intense and habitual defiance that is really putting us to the test, and it’s easy to get pulled into defeat. But keeping a romantic perspective has really given me the ability to step back, find my calm, find the good inside my child, and remember that progress isn’t always linear.
I bring it up to express that things are not easy. In fact, they’re really, really hard. And the old me would have exploded or melted in the face of these challenges, but I’m finding a space where I can romanticize these lows.
I can’t always control the situation, but I have the power to choose how I see it, how I respond, and what I do next.
HOW TO CULTIVATE GRATITUDE
If romance is a light…postpartum was a fog–a bit blurry and generally overwhelming. My arms were often outstretched, just grasping to navigate next steps. Obviously, the flog cleared, and I romanticized motherhood again, because well…
I have three daughters.
Two years after River, my second daughter, was born, I slowly, and then all at once, dove into the wellness space.
I became obsessed with working out, which led me to nutrition and mental health. It’s really a holistic rabbit hole as you learn how our mind, body, and soul are these interconnected systems. And then you realize the power you have in nurturing these systems.
I found myself in tune with my body, so intentional about harmonizing my physical, spiritual, and emotional, and just creating gratitude and romance in ordinary, human things.
This rabbit hole of wellness spiraled into the birthing world, and I became obsessed with “The Mother Daze” and a few other birthing and motherhood podcasts. Cue the holistic and naturopathic craze and me quitting my job as a teacher to be a full-time Mama… now I’m out here wishing I could birth in my living room and romanticizing a stew dinner.
I share all of this to say, it wasn’t one thing that led me to adopt this shift in perspective.
It was a complete paradigm shift that I cultivated over years.
I was inspired by a world of mamas who didn’t hate breastfeeding and somehow found it beautiful. I was inspired by women who said the most meaningful work was in their home, on their table, and for their family. I was inspired by mamas who laughed at the hard shit and found perspective. I was inspired by women who created a beautiful life. I was inspired by women who chose joy.
I consumed this idea so much, through podcasts, social media, conversations, etc., that gratitude became a practice.
I chose to lean in to what made me feel good.
And the more I leaned in, the more it became who I am.
“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”
But let’s not forget, gratitude and positivity do not exist without the negative. I will not and will never claim to be a person who is all optimism and romance, and I don’t think being an optimist or a romantic means we are always happy and in love.
It means we feel the exhaustion, the guilt, the defeat, but we are mindful that this is temporary, and we are intentional about moving forward and where we want to lean. We aren’t rooted to these negative feelings, and we can turn on the light.
HOW TO LEAN IN TO GRATITUDE
Filter what you consume on social media.
Who makes me feel good inside?
Who am I admiring vs. who am I envying?
I try to be aware and intentional about who I follow and who I let in.
Listen to podcasts and read books that romanticize motherhood and life.
It’s easy for me to complain, and sometimes it feels good.
But I want my daughters to know me as a Mama who wasn’t burdened by motherhood, as a Mama who chose joy.
Seek Mama friends who align with your values.
To feel seen, understood, and connected as a Mama is something we all deserve.
Find your own version of wellness.
Clearly understand the space you hold in the universe.
You have nurtured yourself, and your cup is full. Only then can you pour into the world around you.
HOW TO LOVE THE CHAOS
Play music.
Norah Jones can turn a sink full of nasty dishes into romance.
I also used to play Norah Jones music while I bathed Poet in our kitchen sink. It was morning, my cup of coffee was next to me, and the sunlight was shining through the sink window. I knew how fleeting it all was, and I soaked it in.
Take pictures.
We take pictures of moments we want to hold on to.
This is why Instagram is a highlight reel and our camera albums aren’t a collage of toddler meltdowns.
I take pictures of my baby’s smile, my morning coffee, my workout, whatever glimmer brings me joy.
The fact that we get to romanticize these little human moments permanently is a gift.
Romanticize the mundane.
I do think this one takes practice and a mindset shift.
If I’m cooking dinner, I bring little hands into my kitchen. I turn on the music. I dance.
Change “I have to…” to “I get to…”
Simplify and beautify your home.
I am pretty affected by my environment, and in a home full of wild children, that can feel overstimulating at times.
It’s worth it, to me, to put in the effort to organize my home and create spaces that bring me calm.
If I’m going to be washing dishes, let it be with a pretty brush.
Maybe the secret to happiness amidst the chaos is to create beauty within it, and if that’s not the definition of a Mama,
I don’t know what is.
Happy Holidays, Mamas!
You are more than enough.
Keep the perspective.
XOXO
Gratitude and positivity. 💯💕