Matrescence. We have a word for it.
Dr. Alexandra Sacks defines matrescence as “the developmental phase of new motherhood, like adolescence – a transition when hormones surge, bodies morph, and identity and relationships shift.”
We know and we’ve heard about this fourth trimester, and thanks to social media and our Mama villages, the challenges of this phase are being heard by Mamas who might otherwise be going through this transformation in isolation.
But I also want the beautiful evolutions of our identity as Mamas to enter the conversation.
And we see generalizations of the good side on social media, but let’s get specific and intentional
in sharing the ways that being a Mama has become our superpower!
The other night, I was reading one of my favorite Mama blogs, yourzenmama.com, and Noeline Marasi explained how it can feel like your drowning in a new identity postpartum, “how there is no self-love, because to love someone, you must know them.
And this woman in the mirror is a stranger.”
That line resonated with me so much…and it got me thinking. Let’s be specific, intentional, and concretely manifest into the universe these positive changes our identities have undergone since becoming Mamas. If we can reflect and identify what we love about ourselves in this phase of life and really get to know ourselves, we can, in turn, realize the love we have for ourselves.
Because you are it. You are their sun, their moon, their stars. You are the light that these little shadows chase.
WAYS MOTHERHOOD HAS CHANGED MY IDENTITY FOR THE BETTER
I was immediately brought back to a story I remember another Mama sharing (I think it was Blake Lively). But in her video, she explained how before motherhood, if she were walking with her husband on a dark sidewalk, and a scary figure was approaching, she might take a step behind her husband. Now, as a mother, in that same scenario, she would step in front of her child. This story just truly spoke to the evolution of me as Mama. Suddenly, I’m empowered. I’m strong, unafraid, and willing to risk anything for my girls.
Becoming a Mama has also made me more mindful. Motherhood held up a mirror that forced me to reflect on myself in really deep ways. I am consistently practicing routines and hobbies that improve who I am and fill my cup, so that I can give and be my best. And at least for me, this practice of mindfulness has guided me on a path to finding and loving these evolving identities of mine.
So, let’s look inward and cultivate a village of Mamas who are kindred in their superpowers.
WORDS FROM MY MAMA VILLAGE
“’Resilient’ is a word that I wouldn’t have used to describe myself before being a mom. I think it’s given me more sense of purpose and shown me a strength I didn’t know I had. Like before, I was so afraid of needles and shots, but I loved motherhood so much and wanted to bring another life into this world that I literally did whatever it took.”
“I have a whole new confidence in myself and a comfort in who I am. If you want your kid to be wholeheartedly who they are, encourage their differences. When you think about how you want your kid to be, you think, I need to go through life that same way.
You don’t need to try and be anyone other than you, and that’s freeing.”
“Being a Mama made me a stronger and more confident woman. I knew at that moment that my baby was handed to me that I would protect him to no end. And if I could withstand childbirth, I could pretty much do anything in this world!”
“Being a mama of teens taught me to let go of always trying to be in control. I had no choice as they began to make their own decisions; I gained this ability to trust.”
“Other kids would call me ‘So and So’s Mom,’ and I just felt this completely selfless and unconditional connection.”
“I feel like part of this Mama club where we all understand and value each other as women. We get each other on an unspoken level, and that sense of community is something I value so much.”
I hope my lovely Mamas can take away some of these positive mindsets today.
And remember that you are the garden in which your babies bloom, xoxo.
@nurturephotograpy is so talented and also the sweetest.
Wild and Rae is Alba’s whimsical starry dress.
MISA Los Angeles is my floral, black dress.
River’s outfit was all Zara.
Please comment and share some of the ways that becoming a Mama changed you for the better.
Always look forward to your Monday posts!
The journey to finding myself in motherhood hasn’t always been an easy one. In the beginning, I struggled with losing what I thought was my identity that I spent so much of my 20’s trying to find.
What I didn’t realize at the time was that having a daughter of my own would make me the best version of myself I have ever been. Confident, self-aware, and self-loving. All things I struggled with before becoming a mama.
The best thing about becoming a mama is that it opened my eyes to how we as people are constantly evolving. I am not the same mama today as I was when we had our daughter 3 years ago, or even the same mama I was 6 months ago. There’s this constant desire to better myself to be the best for her.
Hi Ally!
I’m trying out some Wednesday night posts, but hopefully you’ll still find a time to read.
I am here for everything you’re saying. It’s such a weird transition to navigate, this “matrescence,” but what’s amazing is that it’s something all of us Mamas share. And I can only imagine it’s never ending…wait until we have teenagers HAHA.