Motherhood is a village.
Motherhood is wanting to hold that door open at the coffee shop for a Mama who is pushing a stroller while carrying a toddler and balancing her coffee in the other hand. It is wishing you could rock another Mama’s crying baby to sleep on the airplane because you know what that feels like, but you also know taking that baby from her arms would make it cry harder. It is asking veteran Mamas if they ever wish they had more children because you’re in survival mode but don’t want to have any regrets.
Motherhood is holding space — for all of these ways we connect with strangers, because Mamas are not really strangers at all.
When you were holding your babe, in the middle of the night, rocking back and forth while the world slept, I was too.
When you were fighting back a tidal wave of tears and overwhelm, holding the weight of it all, I was too.
When you witnessed your child bloom, felt your heart beat outside of your chest, I did too.
And in the spirit of getting back to Mama-ish with some new readers, I’d love if we could all just hold somebody’s hand in the comments below. What is a nugget of wisdom that you would share with your younger Mama self?
HERE’S SOME MAMA WISDOM THAT I WISH I HAD KNOWN:
1. Souls don’t meet by accident.
Your children are exactly who you need, and you are exactly who they need.
They are not a thing to own, shape, or mold.
We get to hold their hand, until they hold ours.
2. Don’t take every misbehavior personally.
I think I used to get triggered by defiance or my children not listening because it felt like an immediate failure on my part, like I was losing control. I’m learning, through the seasons, that so much of everything is developmental. And yes, my response and boundaries to their behaviors matter, but my response is much more appropriate when I step back and take out my own ego.
3. You are the architect of your home, family, and child’s life.
This is a double-edged sword.
The power is yours to design a life that you and your SO love.
This means it doesn’t matter what anybody outside of your unit wants.
But remember, please, to ask your children what they want too.
4. Behaviors are a manifestation.
Dig deeper, and find the feeling and the need. I have learned this the hard way, and I am still learning.
For a quick example, one of my daughters can come across very defiant. To understand her, you have to understand that the defiance is actually how she manifests her anxiety or big big feelings.
Instead of saying, “I feel scared,” she’ll say, “I’m not doing it.”
If we can nourish the source, we can heal.
5. Give yourself permission to be consumed with motherhood.
This is your new world.
You will shed so many identities to become her — to become you.
6. Give yourself permission to be more than Mama.
There will come a time when you feel ready to expand.
And when that time comes, take no guilt, and go for it.
You earned this.
You have been completely unraveled, stripped to the core, and now you get to rebuild.
And your family deserves to see this version of you too.
7. Hold space for kids to be kids.
Let them act wild, let them scream, let them spill milk … just let them.
8. That type of Mom you said you always said you would be? She matters. Evaluate yourself against her.
If you brush that idealistic vision off as naive, you’re missing the point. That’s who your younger self needed.
If you aren’t anywhere close to her, it’s not too late to find her.
9. The magic is in the ordinary.
For every fancy vacation you take, ground yourself at home. For every manicure you get, get your hands in the dirt.
The best things in life are free.
10. Trust that Mama intuition. Always.
The world is full of noise. Let your intuition transcend it all.
…………………………………
“We’re all just walking each other home.” -Ram Dass
Please comment a quick love note to your younger Mama self below, and let’s create a forum of Mama wisdom!
xx
Erika James
