One of my daughters got in the car the other day, after school, on the verge of tears; she was upset that all three of her friends were absent that day. I immediately felt my younger self who was so afraid of being at school, or any event, without a friend.
(I’m actually still this way!) I think we can all relate to that loneliness and vulnerability.
Fast forward to the following morning, she was very worried that her friends wouldn’t be there again and starting getting really anxious about going to school on her own. She was tearing up again.
I pulled out all my Mama things. I reassured her that one of her friends would probably be there. I talked about her options if they weren’t there. I even texted a few of her friends’ Mamas to check in and see if they were feeling better.
And yes — I considered letting her skip school.
This got me thinking.
As parents, how do we walk the line between allowing our children opportunities for appropriate challenge
but also being their safe space? How do we empower their confidence and grit and still empathize with their discomfort?
“Prepare the child for the path, not the path for the child.”
If you’ve been here with me for awhile, you know I’m rarely extreme, and I’m always navigating balance.
I think it’s the Pisces in me. Here’s what I know.
As a Mama of three, wife, adult, teacher, and more, I feel capable of handling overwhelm and challenging situations.
I’ve experienced moments that pushed me beyond what I thought I could handle, and they made me stronger.
I also know my parents allowed me to fail. They put me in sports that tested my limits. They forced me into challenges that I wouldn’t have taken on by myself, and long story short, I owe a lot of my grit and resilience to how I was raised.
While I lived a very sheltered and protected life that I am grateful for, I have equal gratitude that my parents prepared me for the path, and not the other way around. Life is hard, even for the most privileged of us. I do think we are doing our children a disservice if we protect them from every obstacle or avoid every failure.
All that aside, ask your inner child,
how bad would I need my Mama to hold me in this moment, to say I don’t need to face this today?
Ultimately, each child is uniquely their own, so while a specific challenge may be appropriate for one of my daughters, it could be debilitating for another. Not only that, but I try considering what else is going on in their life at the time. If they’re in the midst of a lot of changes or challenges at the time, maybe I can be their soft space to land.
Every time, in every breath, there is no one size fits all.
Let’s trust that we know best what our littles need, and let us not be too hard on ourselves when they do fail or learn a hard lesson
… because that’s when they bloom.
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