Garrett and I were talking the other day about how we both feel like we already know Poet (I am pregnant with our third baby girl),
and we were trying to resolve why we both feel that way.
With your first babe, it’s all so new, and you are just trying to imagine your family unit and yourselves as parents.
With the second babe, you are trying to envision and rationalize the new dynamic of your family and siblings.
But with your third, the family unit is established, the sibling dynamic exists, and you know yourselves as parents. You can see exactly where your new babe will fit in. It’s like there’s a holding spot for her, and you’re just waiting until she’s ready.
River, our second daughter, truly gave our family its ebb and flow. With her, we each found our spot in the family dynamic.
And we were whole.
“May peace like a river run wild over your soul. Reminding you in chaos: you are living, you are whole.”
Labor
I was fully prepared to go into battle in the final weeks of my pregnancy with River. I felt mentally prepared for how tough this was going to be because my birth with Alba had taken me to the edge of what I thought I could handle.
I couldn’t predict how vastly different this labor would be.
At around 6:30am, on July 26th (10 days before my due date), my water broke while I was asleep in bed. I immediately jumped out of bed, and the water absolutely poured out. I couldn’t believe it. It was like the movies! Garrett was grabbing towels as I called the hospital to find out what to do next. They told me I had two hours to pack up, eat, and get to the hospital.
We took our time in those two hours. Alba’s grandparents picked her up for a sleepover, and I think we even picked up Carls Jr.
Let me just take a minute to recommend to anybody who is currently pregnant, go and buy some Depends! If I didn’t have these on hand,
I honestly don’t know how I would have gotten into the hospital without leaving a trail of amniotic fluid through the lobby.
When I say it was pouring out…it was pouring out.
When we checked in, I remember them saying they needed to do a Litmus Test to ensure my water broke. I found it silly that they needed confirmation because I knew my water broke. Sure enough, we were admitted and on our way.
Epidural
It’s difficult for me to recall all of the details of my second birth because it was so much easier and much less complicated than my first. My epidural went according to plan, and I was comfortable until it was time to push. This time, I was able to move my legs, so maybe that, mixed with the fact that this was my second go-around, contributed to an easier push.
Birth Team
Birth is an out of body experience while simultaneously being this journey that focuses us completely inward. Mamas find this innate power that we didn’t even know was there, and it’s so vital that our team is comprised of people who bring light to this power.
Birth takes us to our edge, and our team can be what we need in order to feel like we are big enough to hold this moment,
that our edge is only defined by the limits of our minds.
I mentioned in “The Birth Story of Alba Rain, My First Daughter,” that Kaiser allowed four people in the birthing room. With River’s birth they made an exception and allowed me five. Garrett, my mom, and my mother-in-law were in the room, and my two sisters were in town and able to make it, but only one of them could stay in the room. So, we told them to flip a coin! I actually think my younger sister, Chelsea, lost the coin toss, but Amanda was able to beg and convince the nurses to let them both stay. She was in her scrubs because she worked as an EMT in another hospital, and Chelsea was a PA, so she assured the nurses they would be stay of the way.
She must have been persuasive because it worked!
Time To Push
When I think back to pushing with River, I recall it being very quick, and dare I say, easy. I hardly broke a sweat. I remember my sisters being shocked. This was their first witness to a live birth, and they were like, That’s it? I tried to stress to them that this was nothing like my birth with Alba because I didn’t want to give them false hope that this is what to expect with their first labors.
I even texted them while I was writing this to ask them how long they think I pushed. It feels like such a blur to me! In my memory, it was so quick. They say 10-15 minutes. Garrett thinks it was longer, more like 20 minutes. Regardless, River entered the world gracefully.
Earthside
River Lane was born at 5:46pm. 7 lbs. and 11 oz. 20″ long. We did it. And it was different this time. It was familiar, it was empowering, and I felt more present because I was physically able to be. My body had done this before, and the fatigue wasn’t new or unbearable.
Postpartum
At this phase of my Mama journey, I had already undergone matrescence in birthing and becoming a Mama to Alba.
But I wasn’t yet confident in my new wings. I was still learning who I was in this new role.
With River, my heart was overflowing, but I was navigating how to connect my mind, body, and soul and find harmony in this evolved identity.
Not only was I getting to know River, but I was meeting myself, a Mama of two girls.
The End
Both of my births were vastly different experiences, and my two daughters have near opposite personalities of each other.
No two births are the same, no two children are the same, and a Mama is not the same from one to the next.
I am ready to surrender to the unknown with Poet.
I had read somewhere, “300,000 women will be giving birth with you today.” And it resonated with me because I realized that so many women around the world were birthing with me and will be birthing with me. Being a Mama has always felt like I was part of something bigger, that I struggled and triumphed amongst a group of strong women all around the world. This reminder is going to be my strength with Poet, and I hope you can use it too. Your journey is part of a bigger, collective spirit, and that’s empowering.
💕River💕
Riri <3